Jessica's Jottings:

On faith, food, family and frugality

The Pictures Aren’t For Me

on October 8, 2012

Can I bare my heart with you for a few minutes?

I don’t really like to look at myself in the mirror. Unless I’m brushing my teeth or putting in my contacts, I usually avoid it. What’s reflected in the mirror doesn’t match up to the way I see myself in my head.

I also really, really, really don’t like to have my picture taken right now. While I don’t meet the definition of morbid obesity, I’m definitely bigger than I used to be. The thought of my, ahem, largesse being recorded for posterity bugs me. And before you tell me to get off the couch, I’ll tell you that I have. It doesn’t seem to matter right now. The experts who tell us that nursing helps you lose the pregnancy weight – well, that doesn’t seem to be my experience. Am I going to stop nursing because of it? Nope. I know that this season will end soon enough and then weight will start to come off.

So…we’ve established that I don’t like to have picture taken while I’m large(r) and that I’m likely to be a little larger for a little while. Does that mean I just stop allowing myself to be in pictures? Nope.

Like so many other parts of parenting, it’s not about me. If I die while my children are still young, I want there to be a visible record of my love for them. I don’t want the only pictures they have of me to be pictures without them. Pictures that show me young, skinny, happy and childless. What kind of message would that send to them?

So, kiddos, I love you. And I want to go on the record and say:

The extra pounds? Worth it.

The sleepless nights? Worth it.

The exposure to more types of bodily fluids than I dreamed possible? Worth it.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

(I started this post a few months ago, so the pictures are a little out of date. The essence of the post hasn’t changed though. 🙂 )

Me and my girls

5, 4, 5 months and me

Me and my middle two

My middle two at 2 and 4

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3 responses to “The Pictures Aren’t For Me

  1. Miranda says:

    Jessica you are beautiful inside AND out. Love you

    • jboniface says:

      Love you, too, Miranda! Thank you.

      Thanks, too, for being such an inspiration. As I’ve been working through all of the emotions of moving, your words have encouraged me time and again. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  2. […] to start meal planning again. I’d been doing really well, but between pregnancy, juggling our new baby and three other kids, and moving, I totally fell off the […]

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